The past few weeks, I’ve felt my resilience falter a bit. After a new medication brought some icky side effects, a non-cancer-related health issue caused some discomfort and inconvenience, and a project at work caused a prolonged time of stress, I was feeling rather whiny and weak in spirit. I sometimes wanted to just curl up under a blanket and hide. I started thinking of what lies ahead in battling cancer and wondered, if I feel this puny and discouraged in the face of fairly minor stuff, will I have what it takes to face the real tough stuff down the road—not only physically, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually?
Then I remembered: This is not the first situation to challenge my heart, mind, soul, and strength. And I’m still standing.
- Has been broken by someone I thought loved me but didn’t.
- Has grieved the death of those dear to me… grandparents, parents-in-law, friends.
- Has stung with guilt at something I’ve said or done that hurt others.
- Has watched, choking back tears, as my firstborn walked off to start his life at college.
And yet, my heart still beats, still loves, still hopes, still sings, still feels joy, still revels in the love of family and friends.
- Has made decisions that ultimately led to great disappointment.
- Has judged wrongly the character of someone.
- Has made mistakes that led to embarrassment.
- Has failed miserably at a new skill or endeavor.
Yet, my mind still imagines, still dreams, still comes up with good ideas, still wrestles with choices, still dares to try new things.
- Has gone its own way, wandering far from God.
- Has wondered where God is in times of trouble.
- Has questioned his will—for me, for those I love, for the world.
- Has been hurt by the actions of a fellow believer.
Yet, my soul still longs for relationship with Christ, still trusts that God is sovereign, still believes in the power of prayer, still desires deep connection with brothers and sisters in Christ.
- Has recovered from broken bones and stitches.
- Has twice experienced the pain of childbirth.
- Has endured biopsies, surgery, and radiation.
- Has felt like a pin cushion as a result of countless shots, IVs, blood draws, and more blood draws.
Yet, my body still breathes, still stands and walks and bends, still has strength to climb and carry, still has the gumption to exercise and travel.
So, cancer treatment…? Yeah, I’ve got this! And in those moments when I’m not so sure (again), I’ve got people around me who will spur me on and even carry me along. Plus, now I’ve got this little blog post to serve as a pep talk when I need it.